First off it's always a bummer being on the receiving end of rejection. You have all the messy red tape and acrimony that comes with the division of equity. There's the sudden loneliness. Then of course you see them on social media with their new found love doing keepy-ups in their new Barcelona kit. God I'll never forgive you Phillip Coutinho. I digress.
But there are ways we can handle being dumped like an absolute champ. Believe me I'm a seasoned veteran, I've been sent out on loan and told to never come back plenty of times. Here's 5 tips for you guys that will ease your suffering and get you back in the saddle.
I always thought that being dumped was an entirely one sided defeat. That the dumper was always significantly 'better off' emotionally, than the dumpee. But it's not the case. Unless you're Alec Wildenstein having to shell out a cool $5.6 Billion dollars in a divorce settlement (yes I googled, most expensive divorce in history) chances are you'll both be better off. How? Because whilst you might be feeling the rejection, the heartache, become suddenly riddled with self-doubt, you're newly christened EX will be experiencing another horrible stew of emotions. She'll also be feeling insecure; questioning her decision making in the process (she didn't back a winner in you). She'll feel that void also of not having you around, a lot more than you think.
COME BACK STRONGER
Whenever someone sh*t-canned me in a relationship I always vowed to come back stronger. You'd always see that scene in movies where the guy bumps into his ex, six months down the road and he'd be in phenomenal physical shape, in a new suit with a new hair-do, maybe ordering a Chinese meal in fluent Mandarin, you get my point.
Call it one-upmanship, call it egocentric, who cares. You have to envisage that moment where you meet your ex, possibly by engineered circumstances and you are just on top of your game. Do what you have to. Get a personal trainer, a personal stylist, a life coach, but life is a game and you have to play to win. (Think I read that on a tweet somewhere last week).
To her and to yourself. Now is the time to compartmentalise and figure out what it is that you're lacking. Are you getting repeatedly dumped? Not getting past the 3-month part of the relationship? If this scenario is pattern-forming, then something is off. It can't be because your penis too big every time right? Go away, have a think, don't get hammered every night.
DELETE DELETE DELETE
Get her off your phonebook, your Facebook, your Christmas card list the lot! Trust me out of sight out of mind is the best way to go. You need time to grieve, she needs time to do one and think about her role in this fiasco. If she texts you and says its churlish, congratulate her on using a brilliant word, then tell her to leave you alone. If you want to be dumped like a pro just watch Clive Owen chuck Julia Roberts out of his flat in that movie Closer.
START DATING IMMEDIATELY
Grieving and reflection, internalising and all these new-man actions will only get you so far down the road. You might want to also consider that you're not that bad, someone will have you. A new pursuit and something shiny and new to replace that void could be just the ticket. After all, we can't just stick with what we have to use the transfer window wisely, wait.. I think I'm still talking about Coutinho. God damn, how could you leave me Phil!!