Guys, ever been on a date with a girl where she can't stop chatting about her ex? She starts trash talking him about how he did this, did that. In the back of your mind you're thinking, 'wow this guy sounds like a real dick, I'm nothing like this guy'.
That's sign number one
She can't stop talking about someone in her past is never a good sign. Unless the guy abused her physically or emotionally, then take it with a pinch of salt. Maybe after about 30 minutes of her whittling on about how he forgot every anniversary, pipe up with 'Hey, knock it off! I'm not here to talk about him.' To quote Bill Withers, "Put them other cats away and let me try to make something in your life."
Sign number two
You're not the project.
What's that mean Cryptic Carl?
It means she has something going on in her life, that is unequivocally more important than you. The relationship is a by-product, you're the passenger.
Her project is often 'herself'. I need to work on myself, ever had that one pulled on you only to find she's in a relationship two weeks later? I once dated a girl who was doing massive renovation work to her house. I didn't mind helping out, it felt like something we were both working towards.
But I quickly realised that this was her house. This was her sole objective and she was not about to be derailed by the restraints of relationships. Which is fair enough. I'm wildly attracted to driven and ambitious women. I'm also mindful that I could be viewed as a distraction and any distractions or obstacles could be jettisoned/dispensed with quite ruthlessly. As it duly did.
Sign number three
She loves to travel right? She talks about nothing else. Maybe she's already talking about her retirement plans in the Costa Brava, but guess what, she's not mentioned the key word once, "WE".
Where are you featuring in all the grand schemes in her life? Does she envisage you both on that Morocco beach piling through the happy hour menu together?
This is a red flag in my book. We all like to dream big sweetheart but we need to dream that dream together.
Sign number four
She drinks like a damn fish. But you're hooked on this girl so you've also inherited a mild drinking problem. Perhaps it's the only way the two of you can have a lucid conversation. Break down the barriers of shyness.
When a girl drinks like every night is a hen night, then she's not in the right place. Maybe you like to get a buzz on, get out on a Friday together and cut loose, but it's bad news if you're trying to catch that same buzz every Friday night. Or even in some of my own previous experiences, every night.
There is something going on underneath. Something she thinks the booze can heal. But of course, to coin an old adage, the answer is never found at the bottom of the bottle.
Sign number five
She's not asking you enough questions. When you're wondering whether she's into you or not ask yourself, has this girl even asked me a question in the last half hour?
I've listened to her rabbit on about how tough it is being an influencer (which it isn't. roofing, working on a production line, being a hod carrier, digging ditches, that's tough) but she hasn't even asked what it is I want out of life.
Any girl that lets 30 minutes go by without asking a question is a narcissist. Not a great sign she has any room in her life, when she her own inflated ego is taking up all the space.
Please Note: I’ll be one of the men’s coaches at the Dating Show Live in June if anyone would like some one-to-one advice or support.