It seems like an implacable rebuke, how can you work your way back from 'I'm sorry, I just didn't feel any spark between us'?
The truth is you can't. Women that reached this conclusion after a first date are obviously not interested in the delayed gratification. Or perhaps don't have the time nor inclination to test the slow burn theory. I'm personally in agreement with Stella Grey from The Guardian who wrote,
'People who won’t agree to a second date “because there was no spark” are … I hesitate to say they are idiots, but they are discounting something that could prove to be a slow burner.'
But what are women really saying when they mean there is no spark? For guys it can be dumbfounding. Especially when guys feel they delivered their A-Game. The conversation was fluid and peppered with light-inoffensive gags, and you didn't get drunk this time, right?
What is the Spark?
I'm no woman, I've never used the line. I can only assume it means one of three things.
1# A bit like style, you know it when you see it. A 'Spark' is almost this indefinable feeling that permeates through every sinew.
2# An easy-out, a line that sounds better than 'I didn't find you at all attractive, and I can't see any scenario, including one where we're both forced to repopulate the earth for the sake of mankind, where we would end up in bed together'. Bless her she's just safe guarding your feelings and keeping you in her rolodex in case she needs you to build her a website, replace her spark plugs etc., pardon the pun. (WAIT is that what they mean?).
3# A sign of being inarticulate. I understand this one actually. They were hoping for something more than what they've got. We've all been handed a pint of lager in a plastic cup before haven't we? That feeling of loving lager, but not like that. It's not imperceptible, it's palpable. Sure we might drink the lager, but we're not hanging around here. I agree with the Date Technician on this one who says
"No spark means she may have found you interesting, and nice, and kind, and funny, but not attractive. She’s got friends for those other qualities. She’s looking for all of those things PLUS a bit extra – the thing that is going to make her think about you long after the date and waiting by the phone for you to message her."
In conclusion, the 'no spark' line leaves you with nowhere to go. Because it's nebulous. You can't improve your spark factor. You can work on charisma, you can work on confidence, your style, all of these elements I'll be looking at in more depth. So stay tuned, keep your chin up. And if you hear the words 'no spark' think of all the times you've circumvented the truth to protect someone else's feelings.
'Really I'm just not ready to date, think I need to work on myself for a while. No it has nothing to do with the fact you have horrible kids, look nothing like your pictures and didn't put your hand in your pocket once to buy a round'.