I know not all girls are like this but tonight I've been dwelling on a few of my recent dating experiences. Tonight I'm going to talk about that awkward moment of the cheque arriving. Some girls just stare at you in the eyes, staying as still as possible, not even flinching towards their purse! Don't get me wrong, if I ask you out, then I expect to pay...full-stop, it's just the offer that means everything. Or even "Thanks for the meal, I'll get the drinks in the next bar". It's VERY plausible that I'm just dating the wrong girls? What if someone told you that you're going to spend £1000 this year on total strangers. (I've got no surveys to back that figure up by the way but I can attest to splurging the equivalent of a king’s ransom on numerous dates over the years).
Not homeless people, but perfectly well off every day folk, you'll see for an hour or two, you'll buy them dinner, drinks, flowers etc, and you'll never hear from them again. So before you chivalrously, no wait, foolishly reach for the cheque and tell the lady to put away her purse, here's some tips on how to go Dutch, whilst not looking cheap.
Tip number one: Pretend you've forgotten your wallet
Of course I jest. Let's start over.
Tip number one: No dinners
At least not on the first date. First dates are coffees, maybe a pastry at the most. You might both agree on the handshake that this will be a waste of time and not only will the meal be something you'll have to endure and not enjoy, there's a chance you might be stiffed for the entire bill.
Tip number two: Parks and picnics
Guys the summer has arrived. It's ok to go out again. In fact, who wants to be indoors drinking coffee? London has wonderful parks for picnics the most beautiful in my opinion being the campestral green that slopes majestically down to the boating lake in Regents Park.
Tip number three: SKINT LONDON
Yes, it's the bible for those on a budget in London. For free festivals, chances to win tickets to events, regular weekend activity picks then Skint London is a one stop shop for all.
Tip number four: Can't buy me love
Just throwing that old Beatles track in there. You can't buy her affection. Ok taking her away to Rome for the weekend might get you some rewards, but who wants rewards that come from a place of reluctant obligatory.
Tip number five: Museums
Just suggesting a trip to the museum gives the verisimilitude of being from good stock. You don't have to know your Manet’s from your Monet's, but as long as you don't bring up the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles when asked if you prefer Donatello or Leonardo, then you're home free. Talking of free, yes most of the London museums are free, but be the gentleman and bung a fiver in the donation tin.
Tip number six: Dinner at yours
That is right. And make her a pizza. Don't go buying Lobster dinner takeaways in a desperate bid to impress ala Mrs Doubtfire. Buy a pizza, who doesn't like pizza? Give her the option of ordering so it makes her feel in control. Plus, you can tell a lot by a girl from the kind of pizza she orders.
For anyone wondering if you order the Hawaiian then we'll get on a treat according to the pizza personality test.
This topping shows that you have a lackadaisical approach to life, not getting bogged down with worry or anxiety.
Tip number seven: Google it!
Coming to the end of the article I wanted to know what the internet had to say and it turns out there's about 98 different cheap date ideas that you can find here. I think mine are better though. Christ they even tell you to invite friends round. Come on people, that's just lazy journalism.
So those are my top tips for going Dutch, if you have any more ideas drop them in the comment box below.